While summer begins its entrance into the church year and parishioners take a break from church itself (isn't that in Leviticus?), you may be thinking about ways to spend your free time. Here are a few acceptable outside activities for the lady priest in the church.
1. Adopting cats. Lots of them. Bonus points for naming them using a theme: Biblical names, names that all start with the same letter, or literary names. And have valid conversations with them about the parish.
2. Creative crafting. Parishioners love lady priests who are crafty. Decoupage picture frames, hand-knit scarves (really useful in the Deep South), macrame. It's all so awesome, and the results make envious vestry Christmas gifts. After all, who can't use a macrame toilet paper holder?
3. Live a secret life. I mean, don't we all. But why limit parking lot conversation and speculation to the latest decision about why the parish columbarium that has three crosses or the heresy preached in your Sunday sermon when she suggested opening the parish hall to the homeless for lunch? Give them something to really talk about - leave a letter from The National Enquirer ever-so-gently peeking out from under your latest copy of The Living Church. Get a junkyard to park a strange car out in front of your home for a few nights. Frequent a tattoo parlor - just to talk, but your parishioners won't know that! Let speculation and intrigue do their best.
4. See just how tanned you can get. Of course, don't really get tanned, but see how obnoxiously tanned you can become from spray-on tan this summer. Bonus points for bleaching your teeth as white as the F.D.A. allows.
5. Change you hair color every three weeks. And we're not talking from dark blonde to darker blonde. No sirree. Go from shining red to platinum blonde, then to blue-black. Take bets with your other girl priest friends to see how long someone takes to comment. We do advise professional help for this one. Don't go bald for the sake of a sick hobby.
Don't we anything that looks fun? Stay tuned. We'll come up with more as the weeks go on.