Often, before I leave for a short vacation people love to ask me questions about what I will be doing with the time off. Being a lady, I feel it is important to answer these questions in a ladylike manner. So here are my answers (and here are my answers):
Question: What are you going to do on your vacation?
Lady Priest answer: Oh, I am just going to take it easy.
The real answer: First I am hang-gliding over a live volcano and landing on the beach of an island paradise that is controlled by an evil but incredibly handsome dictator. I will seduce him, per my orders from the National Church (that’s right, Dan Brown, all Episcopal priests are trained as spies and assassins in order to promote the Gospel), free that poor island nation, and establish the local chapter of the Junior League.
Question: Where are you going on your vacation?
Lady Priest answer: Just out of town for a few days.
The real answer: I am meeting up with Pierre, my French lover, in Paris. I will swing by London for a snog fest with Andrew, Prince of Wales, after that. Finally, I will spend two days in Shreveport visiting my grouchy great aunt and uncle.
Question: Are you going to do any reading?
Lady Priest answer: I am going to try to catch up on some reading, a few academic journals. There are some great articles that I want to read, one about Epistemology.
The real answer: I will be reading the contents on the can of aerosol cheese that I am squirting into my mouth as I watch every Law and Order episode until my ass sticks to the couch (which is a really long time because the couch is cloth).
Question: What are you most looking forward to on your vacation?
Lady Priest answer: I will most enjoy taking in the local color and cuisine.
The real answer: I am checking out every hot guy who passes my stool in the Tiki bar as I sip my pina colada from a coconut with an umbrella in it.
Question: Are you really looking forward to your vacation?
Lady Priest answer: Yes, I really am.
The real answer: You have no idea.