Since we're on the topic of things we aren't making up, a topic of debate in the Louisiana legislature included a bill in the last session about a citizen's right to bring a gun to church. Really, because Louisiana's current environmental, educational, and crime problems pale in comparison to a person's right to bring a gun to church. That is what our esteemed politicians should spend time debating.
People came out of the proverbial woodwork with arguments for and against, but I think so many people failed to see some of the real uses for a gun in church, including:
1) Making sure the preacher stays short and sweet. Sit a few pews back from the pulpit, and any time the preacher gets on a "love your enemy" jag or heads down that social justice path, just open your jacket so s/he can see the gun. That will shut down any references to the prophetic words of Jesus. And if a sermon goes over, say, ten minutes, just pull your gun out and let the sunlight shining through the stained glass glint off the black steel. The sermon will be over, just like that.
2) Keeping out those people. Anyone decides to visit your church with ideas of change? Just inform them that everyone likes things just as they are, and everyone carries a gun.
3) Adding some fun to communion. Just think how much your priests will appreciate the fun of passing out the body and blood of Christ, when they look up and see you coming forward to the altar rail with your gun held out, aiming at them. They'll laugh and laugh, after they change their vestments and learn how to breathe again. But trust me, in the end, they will think it's funny.
4) When you hug someone at the peace, tell them, "Yes, it IS a gun in my pocket."
5) If everyone brought a double-barrelled shotgun to church, the organist could finally do justice to the 1812 Overture. Said music would be very moving during the prayerful, reflective time before beginning worship.
6) Finally, worshippers would have protection against all the dangerous people that come to church on Sunday. We've all read the reports on the violence that breaks out between the sequence hymn and the reading of the Gospel, haven't we? And wasn't there a tragic incident where someone was accosted by an usher? Let's face it, Church is a dangerous place, with all that God-talk and dreaming of the kingdom language, we need protection.
Personally, I think the LA legislature is wasting their time arguing this point. Churches in the United States are always private property, and as such, people waive any constitutional rights at the door. My gun rights end where your property rights begin. Just like I can deny someone entry to my home for whatever reason I choose, you can tell me I can't enter your church since I'm carrying a gun. It's the church's property, so I have to abide by the church's rules.
ReplyDeleteActually, since states regulate arms, that depends on the current law in Louisiana.
ReplyDeleteSome states, despite the fact that places of worship are private property, designate them as off-limits entirely for licensed carry of arms, thereby stripping church bodies of their right to make rules on this matter.
I agree that churches should be permitted self-determination in this matter:
http://www.thedenverchannel.com/news/14817480/detail.html
I also oppose stripping social justice from the Gospel.
;-)
I just saw that the law has been passed and I've just read over the bill.
ReplyDeleteOne provision is that whoever "owns the business or has authority over the administration of a church" maintains the ability to allow congregants to seek the additional training to allow guns in church. Not every person with a permit can carry into a church. This means one can very easily forbid carrying in church.
But my question is whether, in your case, the authority is vested in you, the vestry (including you), or the diocese?
LOL! This blog is quickly becoming one of my favourites! :D
ReplyDeleteThis. Is. Awesome.
ReplyDeleteI would add that the gun would come in handy for those people who insist on applauding after the choir sings (can you tell my bias on this one?). I can never convince them that it's not a 'performance.' But I bet the gun would take care of that right quick.