Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Dirty Sexy Vocabulary

A wonderful new friend of mine in my wonderful new hometown keeps ripping off pieces of those paper tablecloths, writing down what she terms, "Dirty Sexy Vocabulary."  So Allison, for you, and those who would like to eat dinner off of a paper tablecloth that doesn't look like a rat did the tango on it.

And of course, in no particular order.

Booger Joe - to take something of good or of unknown value and focus only upon its possible negative aspects or consequences.  I know I just won a million dollars, but I'll have to pay most of it in taxes, and my new-found wealth will bring me nothing but doom and despair and free-loading cousins.

Honey Butt - to take something of bad or of unknown value and focus only upon its possible positive aspects or consequences.  But remember, that honey may be a lovely amber color and have an enticingly sweet aroma, but it's still on the rear of a grizzly bear.  Yes, it's a cobra, and I know it's bitten everyone else, but it's been misunderstood and once it likes me, it won't hurt me.


Magical Thinking - the concept that you are perfect, incapable of mistakes, and control the destiny of a person, parish, community, or of all creation with your very existence or with your wise observations.  Those engaging in magical thinking hear Jesus preaching the Beatitudes and say, "You know, Jesus got these ideas from me.  I preached that sermon two months ago."  Cf.  the idea that we are perfect.  We aren't.  We all make mistakes.  Admit them and go on. Trust us, no one is fooled.  God and almost everyone else sees the strip of toilet paper clinging to your shoe.

The Seduction of Usefulness - (okay, we didn't originate this one.  Bp. Sauls did. But we are stealing it). Magical Thinking's trashier cousin that seduces us into thinking we are so profound that our very presence, words, and ideas will save those in our care from themselves or whatever situation we deem them needing to be saved from.  Or at least we will be highly useful as we fix their problematic situation.  Also, the absence of the humility of failure.  See people who hog the floor at meetings, diocesan conventions, or casual meals giving unsolicited advice or u.p.r.'s.  Often the fodder for answers to the question:  tell us of a ministerial success that you created, planned, and implemented of which even Jesus would be envious.

Terminal Originality - the idea that no one anywhere throughout any part of history has gone through or been faced with the circumstances that face you or that no organization or person in all of creation has just this particular talent or need.  God reminds us to get over ourselves.

Eviction Notice - a spiritual practice of preparing a document to be signed by God that removes those who have hurt you, bullied you, or otherwise caused wounds from your interior castle.  People do not get to live in your soul rent-free.  See also forgiveness.

U.P.R. - unnecessary personal reflection.  Sharing tales of your first-hand experiences with personal usefulness and/or magical thinking as moral high marks instead of encounters with the humility of failure.

Ju-ju - atmosphere surrounding a place or person.  Good ju-ju gives light and joy.  Bad ju-ju makes you want to eat cheap cat food and drink bourbon straight from the bottle.

Expectation - anticipatory disappointment.

Boundaries - holy awareness that we are not other people and that we do not live vicariously through other people.  Protects from bad ju-ju and expectation.

Crazy Makers - people who have no boundaries but loads of expectations.  And all of that rests on you.  And it's all your fault when their expectations are not met.  And they are hurt and disappointed and angry.  And they will tell everyone else that. But not really tell you.  Because you're supposed to fix it.  But you aren't sure what it is.  And they don't elaborate.  Because you should just know.  Feel crazy, yet? 

Irony - the usual tone of Jesus's parables.

Imperfection - where God hides holiness (again, stealing from Richard Rohr).  Here's the whole quote:
If there is such a thing as human perfection, it seems to emerge precisely from how we handle the imperfection that is everywhere, especially our own.  What a clever place for God to hide holiness, so that only the humble and earnest will find it!  A “perfect” person ends up being one who can consciously forgive and include imperfection rather than one who thinks he or she is totally above and beyond imperfection. 

Humility of Failure - where God calls us to growth and awareness.  The series of events where we are called to remember we are quite imperfect, we make mistakes, we make situations worse, and we fall short of our own expectations.  And when God says, "You are still my beloved.  Let's see how you messed this up.  And let's see what's next."  Syn.  A big dose of Castor oil.

4 comments:

Alex said...

wonderful. I wish I could post this to my facebook. sigh.

Mother Julie said...

I learned a great one from my bishop: "unscheduled feedback"...that would be those "helpful" comments made about your preaching, decisions, or programs that cut you to the core, while the person smiles and says they are sharing "for your own good."

Ansku said...

This is a great dictionary!

Dirty Sexy Ministry said...

Alex, you can post the link to your Facebook with the Facebook button under "sociable" on the extreme right side of the blog. Thanks for your feedback, as well.