Clergy Hijinx

Summer is on its way, and something about this warm weather brings out the tomfoolery in me. Here are a few pranks I recommend (wink) this summer:

• Splash pea soup all over your clergy shirt. Make sure you get a little in your hair as well. Rush into a bar, order a shot, slam the shot, and then look at the bartender (or anyone else around who might listen). Say to them: “It has been a hell, and I mean hell, of a day!” For added emphasis, raise an eyebrow when you say “hell.”

• This next prank will enlist the help of the choir. First of all, make sure the choir wears their robes. Next, give each member of the choir a pitchfork or baseball bat or some other weapon. Finally, watch at the front door of the church for a passing motorist. When you see the motorist, run as fast as you can out the front door of the church. The choir should chase after you with their pitchforks and weapons. If the choir is unavailable, see if you can get a group of older ladies in big hats to stand in. Let the hilarity ensue.

• Call the Bishop’s office. When the secretary picks up ask for the Bishop. When she asks who is calling or if you would like to leave a message you should growl: “This is Jesus! You tell the Bishop that he needs to call me. He better not act like he does not have my number or I am telling my dad, so help me, me!” Now, if the secretary has not already hung up on you, add with a laugh: “I am just messing with you, it’s the Holy Spirit! I am just calling y’all back.”

• Switch out the bread and wine with Oreos and Hot Chocolate. No one will look at the Body and Blood of Christ in exactly the same way after that. I would also imagine that no one would just dip or refuse the “wine.”

What pranks do you recommend?