Tuesday, August 16, 2011

In the interest of full self-disclosure

  Any good relationship is based on honesty, but it takes a little bit to get there. We often must be enticed into relationship. There can be an expectation to be coy. We should not reveal too much, or we should gloss over our flaws until we can build trust. Of course, building trust means being honest. Oh dear!  Well, in the interest of full self-disclosure, here are a few hints about that lovely lady sitting across from you.
You see my hair? Looks great, right? No, I did not wake up with my hair like this. Usually, I am lucky to get a brush through it once a day. A totally awesome woman, at a salon, washed and put super gunk in my hair and blew it dry with a big curl brush, and then she sprayed it with something totally neat (I do not know what it was). It was not cheap, but I think the effect is pretty cool. It should be this way all of 12 hours. Tomorrow morning, my hair will be plastered to the side of my head, as usual. Sure, I will try to blow dry, curl brush, hot iron my hair like this and it will be a disaster. I am convinced the woman who did my hair might be a voodoo queen with magical powers.
Yes I do look lovely tonight. This top I am wearing was found on a large load of laundry still sitting in my bedroom awaiting folding and putting away. Same goes for the bottom. I yanked this skirt from the bottom of the basket without causing an avalanche of cotton and polyblends. I am a little impressed with myself the pile did not fall, but I will not celebrate yet because I think I lost a bracelet somewhere in that pile. Oh yes, by the way, I did iron my clothing. You are lucky to see this because I never iron anything, ever.
Music, sure, I like music! I do like music, but I have bad news for you. Sure, I know the music you are talking about because I was a dj in college. Before you think that is cool, I should mention that I sometimes picked music so I would have enough time to run down the hallway to the bathroom. Currently I am listening to Dolly Parton on cd in my car. It is her album Straight Talk from the movie Straight Talk. I totally love it, but if you should ever ride in the car with me, I will hide that cd and put in U2.
Favorite movies and television, oh dear! Yes I really do love foreign films. Okay, okay, I like movies filmed in foreign places. I love James Bond movies. That being said, I think that Roger Moore is my favorite James Bond. I know, I know, but I will not force you to watch “A View to a Kill” with me. I watch these alone for the sake of others. Also, what I said about not really watching television is not true. I will watch the Simpsons, South Park, Law and Order and Modern Family, but if I get desperate, I secretly like that show Hoarders because it makes my house look clean. I can also tell you a lot about Star Trek: The Next Generation.
Books, okay, here is the truth. Yes, I read poetry in college. I read Iris Johansen and Janet Evanovich. I want to know if Eve Duncan will ever find the body of her daughter Bonnie. I want to know if Stephanie Plum will settle down with Joe. All right, all right, I admit it. I also have a few (huge stack) of Harlequin Romances that I am picking through.
You think my eyes look beautiful? You are too kind because I am indeed wearing make-up. I had a college buddy who called make-up war paint. I used to laugh, but she might have been right. It is war out there to get your attention.  Hopefully, I will conquer you, and I can wipe this stuff off. The truth is that I might moisturize my face or wear gloss, if I am being fancy. I should mention that I am not really fancy. So, if I am being even more truthful, I sometimes do not even look at myself in the mirror some mornings. I just splash water on my face, run the brush through this rats’ nest and go.
Nope, I am not fancy. For that matter, I am not really put together, despite my current appearance, but I am a good and kind person. You might not realize that, if not for my outward appearance. You might not have ever looked otherwise. I am funny, and I would love to listen to you. I guess I just need a chance.
So, you see all this? If this relationship moves forward, this might be the last time you see me this elegantly put together, but you will know that beneath the fa├žade beats the heart of a woman of passion, love, and faith, and that woman feels that for you! So, tell me about yourself?

3 comments:

Laura said...

Bravo! As a newly single mom, this is priceless.

Angela E. Lackey said...

It is unfortunate — but a fact of life — that we as women feel compelled to do these things in order to be noticed and given a chance. I would love to live in a world with less emphasis on physical appearance and more on the inner person. I would love it if the first thing people did not remark on is how I look, and yet like most women in this society, I enjoy compliments on my physical appearance. Some day, I would love to hear people notice each other's inner qualities first. I can dream...

Back to Shine said...

Thank you so much! This is precisely what I needed to read after the church board tore a strip off me for "not being authentic" in ministry as in life because I keep a messy house.